Series: (Un)Popular Opinions | Topic: Relationships
Outgrowing friendships is something we all experience but rarely talk about. Yet, as we evolve, not every friend can (or should) come along for the ride. Let’s be honest: friendship breakups can feel as brutal as romantic ones, but sticking to outdated relationships isn’t a recipe for personal growth. It’s actually the opposite—keeping friendships around for nostalgia’s sake might just be holding you back. So here’s the truth no one likes to say out loud: outgrowing your friends is not just okay; it’s necessary for leveling up.
When Growth Means Letting Go
Most of us have been conditioned to think that friendship is forever, no matter how out of sync we become. The reality? Some friendships are meant for a season, and there’s zero shame in recognizing when a relationship has run its course. In fact, holding onto a friendship that no longer aligns with who you are today can actually stunt your growth. Here’s why it’s time we normalize outgrowing friends:
1. We Change, and So Do Our Needs
The people who were your ride-or-dies in high school or college might not be the ones supporting you now. Our interests, goals, and values evolve as we do—and that’s healthy. It’s unfair to expect every friend to fit every version of you forever. Sometimes the best gift you can give each other is the freedom to grow separately.
2. Misaligned Energies Are Toxic
Have you ever left a hangout feeling absolutely drained? That’s a sign. Clinging to friendships out of habit rather than real connection can quickly create emotional baggage. When energies don’t vibe, both people feel it, whether they admit it or not. Why settle for connections that don’t fuel you? Outgrowing these friendships is self-care, not selfishness.
3. Boundaries Are the New BFF
When you realize a friend isn’t on the same wavelength, setting boundaries can help preserve your peace. Distancing yourself doesn’t have to mean ghosting or throwing shade. Sometimes it’s as simple as protecting your energy and time. Healthy boundaries aren’t a rejection of friendship but a way of respecting each other’s growth without awkwardness.
4. Real Talk: Some Friends Are Fake
Let’s be real—some friendships survive simply because you haven’t yet caught on to your friend’s true intentions. We all know those “friends” who act one way with you but completely switch up around others. Maybe you’ve noticed they’re spilling tea about you to mutual friends or suddenly acting brand new in different social circles. Or maybe they’re constantly gossiping about their so-called “BFF,” only to act like they’re the closest friends anyone could ask for—online or in person. Catching these vibes is a wake-up call: not everyone deserves a front-row seat in your life. Letting go of these types of friendships frees you to focus on those who genuinely support and uplift you.
5. Emotional Growth Means Making Room
You don’t owe anyone an indefinite spot in your life. Outgrowing friends is like decluttering your emotional space to make room for people who align with who you’re becoming. The memories and moments you’ve shared are still valid, but sometimes, clinging to these memories prevents you from fully embracing your growth. It’s okay to release friendships that don’t fit your current journey.
6. Outgrowing Friends Doesn’t Mean Being Alone
One of the biggest fears in friendship breakups is loneliness. But staying in unaligned relationships only heightens isolation. True connection comes from people who meet you where you are and see where you’re going. The temporary discomfort of moving on is worth the eventual fulfillment of finding genuine, uplifting connections. Embracing the space for new friendships isn’t loneliness; it’s creating room for authenticity.
When to Walk Away
Knowing when to walk away is hard, and the guilt that comes with it is real. But here’s the thing: being selective with your time and energy doesn’t make you a bad friend. It makes you a conscious one. If you’re navigating the emotional turbulence of a friendship breakup, here are a few tips to keep things mature and drama-free:
Be Real but Respectful: If it’s a friendship that deserves it, have an honest conversation. Acknowledge the value of the relationship and share how your priorities have shifted. You don’t need to burn bridges—just express that you’re taking time for self-growth.
Embrace Self-Compassion: Don’t guilt yourself for outgrowing friends. Change is natural. Honor your growth, and remember that if a friendship’s meant to re-align down the road, it will.
Gradually Distance: If a full conversation feels too intense, distance yourself gradually. Politely decline plans, cut back on texting, and let the relationship naturally adjust to the new vibe.
Let’s Normalize the Friendship Breakup
It’s time we stopped treating friendship like a forever contract. Outgrowing your friends is a healthy part of becoming who you’re meant to be. It doesn’t mean you don’t love or respect them, but forcing a friendship out of loyalty or habit is a disservice to both of you. Growth is essential, and it’s okay to say goodbye to relationships that no longer align with your life.
Have you ever had to walk away from a friendship that didn’t fit anymore? Share your story in the comments and let’s talk about how we can all start normalizing friendship breakups.
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